I been thinking a lot lately of the things that I've done or said wrong to people. I know I'm not the easiest person to get to know because i don't trust everyone i meet or chit chat through social networks. i have weird moments to where i like you for a moment then I'm done like a toy that lost its value. Not saying that people are like toys its just that i haven't just ran across someone or something that can hold my attention for longer than 5 minutes. then i think that its me where did things go wrong............
Well i had my 1st sexual experience at a very young age lets just say to young to say and I'm not going to talk about it.
it makes my out look on me very strange because i learned on my own that they cant be trusted and that they only want sex. is it weird that i feel that way about men. I hate men sometimes when i think back on my life and shit that i went through.
I never had someone tell me that i was an ugly child or that i was fat. i only been told that i was cute and i should be alright. Alright what does that mean ALRIGHT. Who says shit like that to a child.
Then i ask my self why didn't i speak up? Why did i let whatever happen continue and not say shit? why don't i ever say shit about anything? is this the reason why i have a i don't care attitude? My i don't care attitude is more so reared towards the opposite sex. I don't care what they think or what they feel about me. i don't care if they hurt me, make me laugh, or make me cry? i don't get it sometimes.
I wonder when will i ever get past these feelings? I wonder what will happen if i ever allowed myself to get pregnant and start a family. I don't want to because the fear i will have for my child as if someone will hurt him/her. i would die first before i let them go through anything that i went through. Once innocence is lost its lost for good you cant recover from that all you can do is move on. I tried moving on even ran away from home. The shit follows you around makes you fearful of what a person tells you.
People can say they love you all day but it don't mean shit if they really don't mean it. I know i don't mean it when i say it because everyone throws the word around likes its fucking water.
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