Thursday, October 6, 2011

December 31,2011

Well its about that time....Dooms Day aka I can give my full attention to someone. I think thats were my tension has been coming from lately I know I made promises of saying I would date people and I know I made a big promise of taking a relationship serious to one person. I think the closer I get to that date it makes me realize I have really no more excuses and thats scaring the shit out me. 1st off I dont wanna live with a guy Im not ready for that type of step. I dont mind dating and the spend the night thing but living is "premanent" its like whats mine is yours and whats yours is no longer yours. with all the things thats been going on i dont even know if im compatible with men anymore. I used to think I knew men and what they wanted now I dont even know. I cant tell you the last time i actually talked on a phone to a guy and wanted to get to know him. like really know him. Im trying to focus on not so attractive guys that way i know what im feeling is real and not lust and good sex. Ah sex that word I knew it would pop up sooner or later. Sex isnt such a big deal anymore i mean it was when I was younger then bigger the longest all that jazz. But now i just care about hanging out one on one not me you a video game twitter, facebook or anything else. Just time!!!!!!!!! I think I'm realizing life is too short and the more time i spend with a person the more I can appreciate it. Reading going on trips being all cute and romantic like. Having other couples see us having fun and thinking HEY I WANT THAT....But its so hard to find a guy that has the similar taste as you do and is willing to try anything once maybe twice. Its not about money its about the experience that you get when you go. For me i wanna do everything go everywhere live life before i dont have a life of my own anymore. But i also know that i dont wanna wait 2 to 8 years with someone who doesnt want to move forward. after 2 years im out If you dont know me by now you never ever know me lol. I have been peeping several prospects but it wouldnt work out. the 1st one i dont even think he likes me as a person *insert sad face* The 2nd i wont after 6 years i cant 3rd I havent even asked for his number in class yet..Its gonna be hard to shake an image that i laid out but in my mind i didnt wanna turn people on that way. Like if you found me desireable and wanted to date me that probably would have lead to somewhere and my dreams of graduating college would've been put on the back burner...for once i wanna finish what i start..........Damn December 31, 2011

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